I’ve been in hiding for a while.
Like a few years a while.
It’s partly depression – sometimes I can can hear my brain screaming at me that we should leave the house, and my body just shrugs and says, “Couch is nice. Couch is life.”
It’s partly anxiety – there are people out there and they say they like me and they want to hang out with me and I legitimately don’t understand why, so I get uncomfortable and awkward and confused and decide that “Couch is nice. Couch is life and ooh I’m 5 episodes behind on NXT! Binge time!”
It’s partly broke-ness – bad money decisions + underpaid my whole career + 5 years supporting someone else whilst underpaid + depression spending post-5 years = ALL THE DEBT, NONE OF THE DISPOSABLE INCOME. Therefore – “Couch is nice. Couch is Life.”
But (and this really pains me to admit this) I’ve come to a realization – I miss seeing people I’m not related to or working with.
If you add up all the time I’ve spent in the presence of others in the last 6 months, it’s spread pretty evenly between family folk and work folk, with MAYBE about 10% going to friends – and that 10% is probably generous.
This needs to change. I can feel myself getting weirder the longer I hide, and not the cute quirky weird. The WEIRD weird. So, I’m making some plans.
I’m saw a Bronxie artist friend for dinner and giggles on Friday, and saw 2 of my other Bronxies on Sunday, partly for writing stuffs, partly for socializing and game silliness (I got my ass handed to me. I’m still confused.)
I’m road tripping for a weekend with Bear and whoever is Bear-adjacent and available, which is a much needed trip so the weather better hold. I don’t even care if all we do is sit on the comfy couch and watch Avatar, all is well because it’s Bear!
I’ve got a date with a few of my girls on Valentines Day for a bookish event in NYC, and a second date for a bookish event with the same people 2 weeks after which is fantastic because the the first celebrates a book I read and loved, and the second is about David Bowie. HUZZAH!
The weekend in between the book events, my Wooie girl and I are heading to a museum – either the Met or the Museum of Natural History – for some good, old fashioned “knees bent running about,” as Monty Python would say. Super Cute Stuffed Dinosaur will be accompanying us if we decide on a Natural History day. Maybe we can bring Sexy Satan if we go to the Met.
And I have a plan with a fourth Bronxie (SO MANY BRONXIES!!!) to go see the new Tyrannosaur exhibit at the Museum of Natural History, where OH BY THE WAY – I am a newly minted member. (I’ll spare him accompaniment from Super Cute Stuffed Dinosaur – new people can only take so much weird in one sitting. I will, however, drag him to the Whale room and I promise not to go all Incomplete Marine Bio Undergrad degree.)
And at some point in all this? I have a date with my Bestie to go to Prune. I think she and I should try to eat our way from one end of the city to the other. Yum.
Because let’s face it – my last 4 or so months in NYC have sucked. The temping and soul-crushing commute that seems to get worse on the daily have just about killed anything I felt for my city. All the important shit is getting forced out.
So it’s time to rediscover the good stuff. I love this city – I have all my life. Come out and help me remember why.
If any of my local folk are free for a Strand/Namaste run this week (any day but Friday), give a girl a shout!