Walking the Bridge

It’s finally time!!! The Bridge to the New Year is open!!

For those who missed it last year, the Bridge to the New Year is a Facebook group that gives a daily self-reflecty type prompt through the month of December that one can blog, journal, create art, whatever you are inspired to do. I journaled most of last year so I didn’t blog the full range of prompts but I’m going for it this year. The goal is to make these quick little hits daily that I can write, post, and not over analyze.

So without further ado – prompt the first!

Bridge Prompt 1

I did! I love this prompt because it allowed me to revisit this entry and one of my favorite sentences I’ve ever written (“Word of the year 2019 is RESURRECTION – happy Easter, bitches.”) that my beloved Lorna encouraged me not to censor.

2019 was very much a resurrection for me. There were a lot of missteps, and the monster in my head got the better of me a few times, but overall, I think I will say my Word was an appropriate one.

I was able to get myself out of a commute that was killing me and begin to redefine my professional goals; I conquered the fear of pitch-writing (with a lot of help) and scored my first publication; I made progress in storage; and I fell in love with an incredible man.

Thus – Resurrection. I spent a good deal of the year doing things out of my comfort zone, yet I feel more like myself than I have in ages. Being buoyed by love and support helps a lot.

I’ve been thinking about Word 2020 for a while now and think I’ve finally settled on 2 (because I’m finally accepting that I really am kinda extra sometimes, and that’s totally ok) – FORWARD and INVESTMENT.

I’ve actually got a clear direction and am ready to move my life forward. I’m excited about my career for the first time since I graduated college. I’m excited to see my progress as I clean up my mess. I’m excited about my writing and the places it can and will take me. I’m excited to build a life with Bronxie.

And most importantly – even though I know it will be hard, I’m excited to do the work to make it all happen.

And yeah, I started this in 2019 already, but I have concrete plans to continue it in 2020.

Once upon a time, I’ve forgone something I wanted for myself to fulfill a need/want of my partner’s – usually involving money or time, much to the frustration of those around me.

This year, I’ve figured out how to be a fully present, available partner AND still honor myself and my wants and ambitions at the same time. Again, this was all made possible with love and support.

And the occasional gentle boot in the ass.

2020 is the year I fully commit to my writing.

For reals.

It’s amazing and exciting and scary as fuck, but it’s so far past time that I’m trying really hard to just embrace it all and flow with it rather than berating myself for not doing it sooner.

In 2019, I did an online workshop about freelance writing, and so far have participated in 2 writing intensives that reminded me that hey – I LOVE TO WRITE!

Writing is what I DO – my life’s purpose, if that’s your thing. It’s something I love, something I cannot live without, and something I’ve allowed Impostor Syndrome and Crippling Self Doubt to control for far too long.

I am committing myself to finally treating my writing as something I do and want to make a living at, not just as “something I do when my Muse decides to stroll in, stinking of whiskey and cigarettes”.

My Muse is and always has been kind of a cranky bastard with 0 respect for my time and boundaries, and I’m done waiting on her.

Another thing that’s prevented me from making this move sooner has been money – in spite of depression spending, I have a really hard time spending money on myself in a meaningful way. There’s always SOMETHING that I SHOULD be spending on instead of me…which is how I wind up blowing money on something frivolous instead of doing what I really want to do.

Money is going to be tight in 2020, but I am committing to finding a way to continue to invest in me and my writing.

So far, I have lined up:

  1. The NYC Midnight Short Story Challenge – my yearly tradition. I haven’t bought my entry yet, but I’ve got it budgeted in my next paycheck.
  2. Two more writing intensives through the Kindred Voice – I did Gratitude last month and am doing Self Care this month. Sarah has done such amazing work at building a supportive, welcoming community and I am overjoyed to be part of it. I’ll be doing Self Worth in January and Body Image in March. Ready to laugh, cry, and dig deep!
  3. A Critique Club with HerStry – the host for the freelance workshop I did earlier this year. 6 weeks, 6 participants, 3 opportunities for each person’s writing to be workshopped. I’m scared to death and beyond excited at the same time.
  4. 31 Days of Writing Inspiration – a free challenge! This is a new one to me, but if Lorna says it’s good, that’s good enough for me!

It’s a lot. But it’s necessary and important. I miss learning. I miss working with people. I’m recognizing that this has been a big part of what I’ve felt is missing in my life, and I’m so incredibly lucky that I’ve got friends like Lorna and a partner like Bronxie who see this and who encourage me to do it all.

So here we go – Forward and Investment.

Starting the Roaring 20s off right!

#BridgeToTheNewYear #BridgeTo2020

 

 

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